On the nature of love

A good friend of mine recently made the following observation, which struck me as being very true: love is how you treat a person, not a feeling. This struck home because it fits with something I’ve come to see, i.e. that what matters most is not a person’s motivation or beliefs, but instead the impact of their behaviour on others. From that simple, but profound, observation of my friend stem further thoughts. For example. people often confuse love with need, need leads to giving with the condition of return, to jealousy, which are selfish things, which are surely the antithesis of love, as love involves unconditional giving and affection. The observation also undermines the idea of love at first sight, which is all about feeling. How much would you sacrifice for somebody you have just met, regardless of how infatuated you might be?

That leads to what I might grandiosely term the second pillar of love. To me, love fundamentally involves accepting somebody completely, to accept what may annoy and frustrate you as well as what brings you joy and comfort. How you can you claim to love that which you do not know? Thus, there is a second reason to relegate love at first sight to infatuation.

If to accept someone,warts and all is fundamental to love, it brings a tension I am still struggling with.The perfect partner does not exist, and so you must accept the person you love has flaws, or even just differences in values and how they perceive the world. My problem is this: at what point does the inevitability of acceptance and compromise in a loving relationship tip into the person you may have great affection for not being right for you, and vice versa, and you should regretfully walk away, a little wsier?


(Third) Reich Chancellor May

Theresa May’s satnav is a very simple device, it simply says ‘Turn right, turn right and keep on turning right until you arrive at the Third Reich’. Whilst we’re on the topic, I don’t think making companies list foreign workers goes far enough. Foreigners should wear some form of a symbol on their clothes so that we can shun them on the street, as is the duty of any good patriot. Maybe a yellow star, as seen on the EU flag… C’mon everybody, let’s party like it’s 1933!

Please Register to Vote

If you haven’t registered vote, you have until midnight to do so if
you wish to vote in the EU referendum.The process is very quick, all you need is your national insurance number. Regardless of whether you think we should remain or leave, I urge you to vote as this is a hugely important decision for the future of this country.

This lyric, from This Blue World by Elbow, sums up perfectly for me the bond that remains, even after my marriage is dead and buried.

While three chambers of my heart

Beat strong and true with love for another

The fourth, the fourth, is yours forever

I wish I had a thousandth of Guy Garvey’s talent as a songwriter.